Home / Blog Posts / Fatigue and the Black Dog / Diary of a Chronically Exhausted Vicar. Episode 10

In which I somewhat unexpectedly fall in a heap. Again.

Diary of a chronically exhausted vicar image

Don’t worry, I think it is actually more an everyday tiredness, brought on by three weeks of travel and emotional upheaval of reconnections and goodbyes. But I went today from quite light and rejuvenated from two days with another New College friend, to suddenly flat, tired, foggy headed.

These past two days, Jo and I essentially did ordinary everyday life for the length of my visit, as she went to work and I worked on story and writing projects during the days, and in the evenings, we had dinner, drinks, went to evening prayer at the cathedral, watched a movie, chatted with her house mates. The simple things really are the best things.

An early start today and another plane journey. It is another unfamiliar place I needed to negotiate, in order to find sources of food, for a start. So I went for a walk, found food (though I don’t know that I’d call it a successful expedition, as in the hotel room I’ve got a fridge for the milk for the cereal I bought for breakfast, but of course no bowls, or spoons …), and quite enjoyed the exercise, sunshine, and lunch. I rehearsed some more while I walked, and after lunch I picked up my cross stitch, before a planned bit of rinsing out some clothes for freshening them up.

My eyes grew heavy all of a sudden. I had a strong feeling that I needed to lie down. I slept for a couple of hours. The clothes forgotten in the suitcase.

When I awoke, I was foggy, groggy, and feeling just a little bit blue, to be honest. It is a bit of a roller coaster, this travelling around the world – no doubt with or without the recovery from glandular fever. I do relish time alone, and the day in Stratford earlier this week (a blog post about that will happen anon) was a delightful solitary wonder filled wandering day. But there is also something of a let down when you leave your friends behind, after each goodbye that closes the door on time together, when the silence falls after the stories have been told. And I’ve left plenty of friends behind, as I continue around the world.

But in the midst of the feeling flat and travel weary, I think I can feel something else. That this is, and is only, travel weariness, and the chronic exhaustion an extra layer that thickens the tiredness, but that is itself growing thinner. I have, for the first time in months, some confidence that I will be able to pick myself up tomorrow with ease.